Archive for the ‘Community’ Category

What’s going with it’s a full nest?

Dear it’s a full nest readers,

You may have noticed we haven’t posted anything since October 3.

Don’t worry, we are still here.

We are making some updates and upgrades to it’s a full nest. Expect to see some new exciting things from us around October 18.

Speaking of new and exciting…

Check out our newest blog, MultigenerationalNests, on Working Mother magazine’s MomBlog.

We are very excited to partner with Working Mother.

You may also find us on Facebook.

http://www.facebook.com/multigenerationalliving

http://www.facebook.com/itsafullnest

Thanks for support!

Kanesha and Margot

Photo by Gina Rogers Photography

A glimpse into Crystal’s multigenerational household

I recently caught up with Crystal and had the chance to chat with her about multigenerational living. We gabbed for about 90 minutes, laughed a lot, gasped at some family dynamics, and bonded over the intricate details, and commonalities, of our living situations.

Crystal’s “new”clear family stats:

  • Birthplace:  China
  • 44 years old
  • Married 14 years
  • Husband: 47 years old
  • 2 daughters
  • Mother-in-law: 73 years old
  • Father-in-law:  74 years old
  • Husband’s parents have lived with them for 6-to-7 years (on and off)
  • In-laws married for 49 years

Kanesha:

Why don’t you start by telling me how or why you decided to try multigenerational living? I mean for us, it was about work/life balance and needing childcare for a new baby. There are a few other factors, but this discussion is about you.

Crystal:

We’ve always had lots of visitors in our house who stay for long or short-term visits. My in-laws called my husband one day and said they wanted to move in with us and my husband said yes.

K:

Before or after he discussed that with you?

C:

Before and let me tell you, I was not happy. I wanted to be consulted about this new living arrangement and of course I would have agreed, but I did not like my husband making the final decision without talking to me first.

K:

And then what?

C:

My in-laws moved to this country, four months later, and moved in with us. We stayed in our same house because we already had a second master suite.

K:

How did your husband and you decide on the financial structure? For us, my husband and I talked about it and came up with a plan. Then he discussed it with his mother before she moved in with us.

C:

My husband pretty much negotiated everything and I went along it.

K:

Was that OK?

C:

It works.

K:

OK. So what is the financial structure?

C:

We [my husband and I] pay for all housing costs, food, utilities, and we give my in-laws a stipend.

K:

Yes, that’s pretty much how we do it too. What about gas costs and car stuff?

C:

My in-laws don’t drive.

K:

Hmm. I know your family purchased a new house recently. Were considerations made for your in-laws?

C:

Yes, of course. We bought the house with them in mind. We have more space now and fewer stairs so that shouldn’t be a problem for my in-laws as they age. We also wanted to get a puppy, which is a funny story. My mother-in-law is not too fond of dogs because of something that happened when she was young. But my daughters wanted a dog, so we got one, a golden doodle. My in-laws have to care for the puppy while my husband and I are working, and our daughters are at school. Now my in-laws are head over heels in love with the dog, and my mother-in-law spoils the dog tremendously. She thinks the dog is super smart and bilingual.

K:

That’s sweet. Why has it been meaningful for all of you to share a home?

C:

I think the living arrangement is very good for my in-laws because they were both orphaned, so living together now helps to rebuild the family. It’s nice to have good meals and help with childcare, even though my daughters are school-aged. My husband is more peaceful with my in-laws living with us. His mother babies and pampers him and I don’t have to do it.

K:

Really? Are there any disadvantages to this living arrangement?

C:

Privacy – that is a major disadvantage. I cannot yell at my husband when I want to and his father will yell at me sometimes if I do something he [father-in-law] doesn’t like.

K:

Are you serious? I don’t think I would like that.

C:

I don’t. That is a definite downside to this. My father-in-law does not yell at my daughters, or the dog. If anyone plans to consider multigenerational living, they have to be mentally prepared for the expected and unexpected changes. I think everyone in the family should go the extra mile to be inclusive when possible.

K:

I agree with your inclusivity comment. Anything exciting coming up for your full nest?

C:

Yes! We are going to the Bahamas in November.

K:

All of you?

C:

Yes!

K:

I can’t wait to hear how that adventure unfolds.

Listen to a snippet of Kanesha’s conversation with Crystal.

Chat with Crystal.wav

I recently caught up with Crystal and had the chance to chat with her about multigenerational living. We gabbed for about 90 minutes, laughed a lot, gasped at some family dynamics, and bonded over the intricate details, can commonalities, of our living situations.

Crystal’s “new”clear family stats:

Birthplace:  China

44 years old

Married 14 years

Husband: 47 years old

2 daughters

Mother-in-law: 73 years old

Father-in-law:  74 years old

Husband’s parents have lived with them for 6-to-7 years (on and off)

In-laws married for 49 years

Kanesha:

Why don’t you start by telling me how or why you decided to try multigenerational living? I mean for us, it was about work/life balance and needed childcare for a new baby. There are a few other factors, but his discussion is about you.

Crystal:

We’ve always had lots of visitors in our house who stay for long or short-term visits. My in-laws called my husband one day and said they wanted to move in with us and my husband said yes.

K:

Before or after he discussed that with you?

C:

Before and let me tell you, I was not happy. I wanted to be consulted about this new living arrangement and of course I would have agreed, but I did not like my husband making the final decision without talking to me first.

K:

And then what?

C:

My in-laws moved to this country, four months later, and moved in with us. We stayed in our same house because we already had a second master suite.

K:

How did your husband and you decide on the financial structure? For us, my husband and I talked about it and came up with a plan. Then he discussed it with his mother before she moved in with us.

C:

My husband pretty much negotiated everything and I went along it.

K:

Was that OK?

C:

It works.

K:

OK. So what is the financial structure?

C:

We [my husband and I] pay for all housing costs, food, utilities, and we give my in-laws a stipend.

K:

Yes, that’s pretty much how we do it too. What about gas costs and car stuff?

C:

My in-laws don’t drive.

K:

Hmm. I know your family purchased a new house recently. Were considerations made for your in-laws?

C:

Yes, of course. We bought the house with them in mind. We have more space now and fewer stairs so that shouldn’t be a problem for my in-laws as they age. We also wanted to get a puppy, which is a funny story. My mother-in-law is not too fond of dogs because of something that happened when she was young. But my daughters wanted a dog, so we got one, a golden doodle. My in-laws have to care for the puppy while my husband and I are working, and our daughters are at school. Now my in-laws are head over heels in love with the dog, and my mother-in-law spoils the dog tremendously. She thinks the dog is super smart and bilingual.

K:

That’s sweet. Why has it been meaningful for all of you to share a home?

C:

I think the living arrangement is very good for my in-laws because they were both orphaned, so living together now helps to rebuild the family. It’s nice to have good meals and help with childcare, even though my daughters are school-aged. My husband is more peaceful with my in-laws living with us. His mother babies and pampers him and I don’t have to do it.

K:

Really? Are there any disadvantages to this living arrangement?

C:

Privacy – that is a major disadvantage. I cannot yell at my husband when I want to and his father will yell at me sometimes if I do something he [father-in-law] doesn’t like.

K:

Are you serious? I don’t think I would like that.

C:

I don’t. That is a definite downside to this. My father-in-law does not yell at my daughters, or the dog. If anyone plans to consider multigenerational living, they have to be mentally prepared for the expected and unexpected changes. I think everyone in the family should go the extra mile to be inclusive when possible.

K:

I agree with your inclusivity comment. Anything exciting coming up for your full nest?

C:

Yes! We are going to the Bahamas in November.

K:

All of you?

C:

Yes!

K:

I can’t wait to hear how that adventure unfolds.

WTH??

Here we sit, M and K, well caffeinated, frustrated, but ready to launch this confessional space in our

multigenerational living journeys (it’s a full nest). Yet, we are stumped as to the difference between a CATEGORY and a TAG.

Help, anyone?